Misguided Empathy Destroys Culture
Have you noticed that in recent years what you say is treated more seriously than what you have done.
Primary school teachers used to tell children who complained about being teased, “sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never heart me”. Today it is the other way around. One slip of the word or innocent comment that is taken out of context and you risk being counselled or worse.
We would all like a business culture that is friendly and supportive but a recent book by author Gad Saad casts doubt on this trend with what he calls “suicidal empathy” with the subtitle “dying to be kind”.
Whilst the author obviously has some strong opinions and possible political leanings he raises some very good points about our endless efforts to be nice.
The author outlines the key mistakes well intended people and organisations intent on being politically correct have increasingly been making. He also explains the adverse consequences and how to avoid them.
Avoid the Empathy-Based Dopamine Hit
It is easy for us to display financial largesse and endless patience to minority groups, particularly if it is not our personal money. We derive the immediate dopamine hit for being kind but often ignore the financial burden on future generations.
Watch Out for Myopia of First-Order Effects
If police treat an ethnic individual brutally, which is clearly wrong, some may say let’s reduce funding and numbers in police, and don’t worry about increased crime rates in the future. Suicidal empathy is blind to causal thinking.
Don’t Succumb to the Singular Exemplar
It doesn’t matter what policy or rule a government or company introduces, we can always find an example that contradicts it. For example, “my father smoked all his life and never got lung cancer”.
The False Equality Bias
Individuals are equal under the law, but we are not all equal in our talents or potential. Similarly, different cultures are equal under the law, but not all cultures are equally likely to assimilate within the values and rituals of the host society. Schools cancelling traditional Australian rituals, like Christmas celebrations, is an example of this.
Don’t be a Fence-Sitter
Our over-developed desire to be liked by everyone can result in becoming a fence-sitter, to avoid offending any person or “important” group.
Be prepared to defend “truth” eg “a particular country is poor because they have low productivity. To improve the health and welfare of the country they need to improve productivity, not blame others for their plight”.
If the facts prove your statement activate your inner “honey badger” in defending the truth.
Avoid Parasitic Relationships – Insist on Reciprocity
If relationships are not based on reciprocity, where both parties derive benefits and incur similar costs, it will ultimately be unstable.
Many interactions work well because the parties involved all have shared sense of expectations, norms, and rituals implied to that context. When this no longer holds true, you have created a scenario for free riding, and parasitic behaviour.
Target Your Empathy
Humans have evolved the strategic capacity to vary their “investment” in others. Suicidal empathy shatters this reality by altering the order of importance to whom one should most care for eg violent criminal rights vs victims, illegal immigrants (jumping the queue) or immigrants who apply and wait patiently.
Adaptive Empathy is Noble – Suicidal Empathy is Fatal
Empathy is an evolutionary virtue, which, when properly deployed serves a reminder that human beings are a social species capable of immeasurable good.
But never forget that it must be invoked at the right time, in the right amount, and to the right targets. Overwise, it becomes a liability that is gamed by the greedy and those who wish to destroy us.
Resist the temptation to appear virtuous by never risking controversy or hurting anybody’s feelings. Be brave enough to constructively speak up for the culture you want and defend your moral values.
Article summarised from book Suicidal Empathy – Dying to be kind by Gad Saad, 2026
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